Remembering my dad on Father's Day

I appreciate the well wishes and kind words from so many friends and family members the last couple of weeks. On June 3rd my father passed away after a 18 year battle with MS. We knew his time was short as he had several close calls over the last few years -- we had time to prepare and say goodbye, but of course we will still miss him.

We often use this blog to capture our family's memories of vacations together, funny moments, milestones and the like. In some ways it's a family diary, though not totally so as it's exposed to the world. As many of our family members, including my own kids, nieces, young cousins, etc really only knew my father in the last phase of his life when the effects of MS limited his mobility, I've included his eulogy below so they can have a more full "memory" of his life. That is, if they decide to go back and read our blog archives. :-)

I am so blessed to have had such an awesome, encouraging, fun, guiding, loving father.

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Lawrence Wayne Dutton was born on March 5, 1949 in Portland, Oregon to Alfred and Francis Dutton. He had 2 brothers, Ken and Randy, and because of his dad’s work he spent his childhood in several states, including Hawaii, New York, Maryland, Oregon and California.

He was strong willed as a child. When he had surgery to fix a crossed eye he would not keep the patch in place, which led him to blindness on one eye. He enjoyed adventure -- while in Hawaii, he lived at the top of a steep hill and would ride his wagon down for death defying thrills. He would also shoot his BB gun into a beehive and run home like they did in cartoons.

He was an excellent student and skipped the 3rd grade. His education also occurred outside the classroom. One of his family’s cross-country moves took them through the deep south, where my dad’s decision to ride in the back of the bus created quite a commotion.

In his 10th grade year his family moved five doors down from my mom in Garden Grove, California. My parents’ brothers became friends, and my parents started “going steady.” My mom describes the couple as a bit nerdy – for dates they would do their homework together, go on picnics, grunion hunt at the beach, read and go to Disneyland. They were not allowed to single date, and when their older siblings would no longer accompany them the little brothers, Randy and Ron, would have to tag along. My mom remembers having to pay the little brothers off to get some alone time. My parents were married on January 31, 1969 while my dad was working and going to school full time…and a little known secret is my mom was in still in her senior year of high school. For the conspiracy theorist out there, I was born almost 3 years later.

I asked my mom about how my dad proposed – she said she does not remember a grand event because “she just always knew” they would get married. After he got first paycheck from working on a moving truck when he was 17 he bought my mom an engagement ring.

My dad studied history at Long Beach State and then graduated from Law School at Western State University. He was an excellent student, earning various awards. He worked full time while in school on the graveyard shift at Hughes Aircraft in the printing department. My dad never slept…I guess he tried to make up for that later in life. :-) While in law school he also had Mike in ’72 and Krista in ’74.

Upon completing school our family moved to Rancho Cucamonga in 1976 (my dad was a bit of a numbers guy, so he'd be interested to know that in 1970 there were 6,000 people in the city, by 1980 it had grown to 55,000…and, today 172,000). This was way out in the boonies then – I asked my mom yesterday why they ended up here and she said because they could afford it and her brother lived in Upland. He quickly met Richard Evans, a local attorney in Ontario who asked my Dad to join his practice. He was a general practice attorney – criminal, family, corporate, personal injury law – and particularly enjoyed adoption work. He learned that “people need an attorney for unhappy things”…and his career eventually migrated from law to business.

My dad was very active in the community. After a teacher strike in early ‘80s he ran and was elected to the Central School District board. He loved volunteering in the classroom, and frequently attended field trips, organized career fairs and held Kangaroo Courts in schools. While Rancho was experiencing hyper growth which led to double sessions in the schools, he flew to Sacramento and was successful in lobbying for more funding. He received the Honorary Service Award from the PTA for Outstanding Service for Children and Youth. He also served on the local boards of AYSO and Little League, and was the leader of our Indian Guides tribe (where he was Big Thunder and I, Little Thunder).

Education was very important to my dad. Getting our homework done was not enough – we also had to do a great job on it. I remember a few times him wading up my homework into a ball and throwing it away because I had not tried hard enough. Jacob and Anna, can I try that on you? :-) When we had school projects he made sure they were first class – from Krista’s video tour of San Juan Capistrano to stain glass designs of the California State Flag.

Many of my fondest memories of my dad were as my soccer, t-ball and baseball coach (he also coached Krista’s teams). Virtually every Saturday would consist of two games, one for me and one for Krista, pizza afterwards, and then swimming in our pool. I still wake up now on a warm summer morning and something about the smell reminds me of soccer games with my dad. He was a great coach – one of his soccer teams played in the state finals, but more importantly he saw sports as an opportunity to build self-esteem. One year he brought a Down syndrome child onto our very competitive soccer team. My dad, and therefore the team, embraced our new teammate.

And that was the kind of guy my dad was. He found joy in making people’s lives better. My parent’s home always had an open door. Over the course of their marriage, they had at least 17 friends, in-laws, nieces, nephews and others move into our home. One time my teenage cousin got into some trouble and ended up getting arrested. My dad made a court appearance for him, and the judge told my dad “you can either take this kid home or we will send him to juvenile hall.” So of course my dad brought him home, and embraced him. My cousin went from being the most rebellious kid in class to the school’s student of the week, which made my dad very proud. In another case, an uncle was going through tough times and moved in with my nephew too…and their pregnant cat, a senile dog…and luckily the tarantula died in route.

My dad was performing Christ-like service before he could even call it that. He was not always a religious guy or a member of the LDS church. In his early days, he used his photographic memory to become an excellent poker player. On our trips to Vegas my sister and I would play in the game area at Circus Circus and hit my dad up for a new roll of quarters every few hours. That gravy train ended when he found Krista and me hawking the stuffed animals we won to other kids. :-) During this time he was also a champion at the Running Springs Oktoberfest for being able to consume a whole pitcher in less than 10 seconds. My mom was a member of the church so we had occasional church visitors, but those became more infrequent when my dad found “DNP” printed on a fast offering envelope. He asked the poor Deacon if DNP means “Does Not Pay” – and the embarrassed visitor was never seen again.

He came to develop his own faith through the power of the Holy Ghost. Many people who are here today played a key role in that. John and Carol Harper, my mom’s aunt and uncle, were great examples to my parents and the frequent bearers of testimony. The neighbors of our youth, the Harringtons, who upheld the Sabbath day by not letting Jason play in games on Sunday even when he was always the best kid on the team. The Denkers for providing selfless service in tough times. Ward and Stake leaders like the Eschers and Cottams who also guided us along.

My dad’s early questioning of his faith was based on his keen intellect. His question was “how do you know -- prove it?” -- and testimony, of course, requires a great deal of faith. But after he studied his faith in his mind, and sincerely prayed about it, the Holy Ghost testified to him that it was true and he became truly converted. On one of his last visits to church he bore a powerful testimony, and I also really appreciated his encouraging and faith-filled letters he sent me while on my mission.

He was a fantastic home teacher – and I am sure he did this partly to be a good example for me. He won an award for being Home Teacher of the Year, which he took pride in because it was some proof that he was doing it right. :-) He probably won the award because he gave the family a puppy after they lost their dog. He went on to serve in a variety of church callings, including Sunday School President, High Priest Group Leader, Ward Employment Specialist…and when we was too immobile to attend church anymore, he enjoyed putting together the program (even though it took him almost the entire week to complete by typing with one finger on his laptop). The callings he enjoyed the most were those where he could really help people – visiting inactives, teaching with the missionaries, and serving.

In our late teens and early adult years, Krista and I both had the privilege of working with my father at his work. He was a great mentor and was universally loved at his office. People who worked with and for him really loved my dad and he was known for the kind way he treated people. During this time I was trying to choose a major in college and decide what I wanted to be when I grew up, and I really admire my dad for the way he handled it. He was not prescriptive with his answers – he’d ask questions, but generally not answer them, and instead let me draw my own conclusions. I had a tendency for wanting to take a light courseload in college so I could play more, or to drop a class when it became difficult, but he would encourage me to stick it out and do my best, and gave me confidence that I could excel.

Working with my dad also helped me understand that my dad was a huge creature of habit and a bit obsessive about things. One summer while working for him and he was on a diet, we ate at Carls Jr EVERY day so he could have a BBQ chicken sandwich. We’d walk in and the entire crew would stop and say “Hey Larry” – he was the original Jared the Subway guy. :-)

His biggest obsession, however, was his family. The love story between my mom and dad is incredible. They are so goofy and cheesy at times – growing up, my parents nicknames for each other were Muffy and Duffy. Their stockings even had this as their names. In recent years my mom would call my dad her Edward. :-) Their love was undeniable. As many of you know we’ve had many close calls with my dad over the last few years, and I think the reason he pulled through all those is he simply did not want to leave my mom alone. My mom walked on water in his eyes…probably because she actually does. Their relationship has been a great example to me and is one Jennifer and I try to emulate.

Another passion of my dad’s was traveling. When I was a kid, he loved to take us on 21-day unlimited mileage vacations by Eastern Airlines. We’d travel to see family, friends, historical sites, amusement parks – my dad took great pains to make sure the flights were timed so we had free meals on the planes. He also loved cruising and took over a dozen in his lifetime throughout Hawaii, Europe, Alaska, Mexico and the Caribbean.

In his later years his MS slowed him down but not his love of life and eternal optimism. He would not let me my mom throw away his shoes because he was convinced he would be able to use them again. Those shoes were cleaned out of his room yesterday -- Joe Gracia was taking them to a donation place, and ran into our ward’s missionaries. The Australian missionary who bore his testimony on Sunday has the same size shoes as my dad was happy to take them on. I am sure my dad is thrilled about this.

While in his wheelchair we completed several family adventures together. Cruises, Walt Disney World, San Diego, Utah and many others. I asked me kids about some of their fun memories with their Papa and both twins mentioned riding on the back of his wheelchair. He was a fantastic grandpa. Krista told me a story yesterday of how she felt the first time my dad held Mikayla, his first grandchild. His softer side was never more visible than when we was visiting, cuddling and talking to his grandkids.

My dad lived a very full life. I know there is a lot I have learned, and can continue to learn from his example. Some of these lessons are:

• Love Deeply: Love your spouse, your kids, your grandkids. Let them know that they are your number one priority.
• Seek Ways to Serve: Do all you can to help others. Open your home and your wallets to others. You can only take the memories with you.
• See others in their best light: Everyone makes mistakes, and everyone can become better. Trust that people want to do their best and help them reach their potential. Be a coach and not a critic.
• Stick with it through hard times: Don’t let a little thing like MS slow you down. Live life completely, try your best, and don’t throw away your shoes.
• Enjoy everyday life: One of my dad’s favorite things in his last few years was simply “hearing feet running down the hallway.” The sounds of life – laughing, babys crying, singing – are to be treasured. Be the kind of person that always “shows up” – at school events, parties, games, service opportunities. Christmas was always a huge holiday at our house – he saw it as a chance to make life meaningful and memorable. My dad also had a wonderful sense of humor – he was a constant jokester, prankster – not afraid to wear a costume to a party.
• Gratitude: He was very gracious, especially later in life. His last doctor told my mom what an honor it was to be care for my father. He was genuinely grateful for all those who served our family over the years. So thank you to all who visited my father, brought him the sacrament, helped my mom in so many ways, and prepared the chapel for this funeral.
  

We will all miss my dad for our own personal reasons. I will especially miss my daily telephone calls with my dad. For the last 10 years we spoke almost every day – it was so great to know he was always there at the end of the line. Always...the guy never left his room. :-) But now he has left his room and life on this earth, but we know he still lives in heaven. We will miss you dad, and have faith in seeing you again.